9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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