Well apparently he's into motor boating.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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