so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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