Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
