The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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