hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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