I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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