I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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