HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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