Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
