if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
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dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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