I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
