i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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