it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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