I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize