you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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