remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
