Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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