im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I bet he comes in French.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
