they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
