saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize