is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
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You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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