Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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