Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
