I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
