i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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