Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
