Please, let me fuck your mom
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
