saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Tell her she can't have a vagina
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize