honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
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it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
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Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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