I'm gonna have a badass scar
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
