I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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