38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
