what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
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