There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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