You just made me feel so damn special
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
