You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
