Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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