I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
