and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
