U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
