YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
