My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
