For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
