I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
