I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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