is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
