I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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