Texts From Last Night

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  (607): View more from New York

  can we get nightvision for the apartment?

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  (607): can we get nightvision for the apartment? http://tfl.nu/dotm
  Replies (7) Good night (3212) Bad night (627)
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.

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  (219): Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream. http://tfl.nu/v6je
  Replies (37) Good night (6994) Bad night (771)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.

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  (973): I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes. http://tfl.nu/85jv
  Replies (9) Good night (2586) Bad night (967)
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  (619): View more from California

  definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius

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  (619): definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius http://tfl.nu/ay4s
  Replies (25) Good night (2969) Bad night (930)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.

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  (317): HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING. http://tfl.nu/dtfs
  Replies (7) Good night (2069) Bad night (618)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?

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  (612): just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately? http://tfl.nu/tgsa
  Replies (5) Good night (988) Bad night (647)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.

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  (218): Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life. http://tfl.nu/7bi7
  Replies (6) Good night (471) Bad night (1673)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.

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  (413): FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know. http://tfl.nu/mpp4
  Replies (8) Good night (1202) Bad night (753)
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  (352): View more from Florida

  Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.

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  (352): Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind. http://tfl.nu/tjuj
  Replies (4) Good night (1876) Bad night (547)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?

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  (919): But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night? http://tfl.nu/eqjw
  Replies (8) Good night (1234) Bad night (450)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.

  (1-828): View more from North Carolina

  ..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.

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  (828): remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch. (1-828): ..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so. http://tfl.nu/n0v1
  Replies (8) Good night (1946) Bad night (607)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.

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  (904): Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos. http://tfl.nu/hz9c
  Replies (7) Good night (1810) Bad night (426)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.

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  (541): k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating. http://tfl.nu/iql3
  Replies (1) Good night (560) Bad night (315)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates

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  (732): look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates http://tfl.nu/bp7h
  Replies (1) Good night (325) Bad night (633)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.

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  (613): Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter. http://tfl.nu/f8yo
  Replies (0) Good night (275) Bad night (470)

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