bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.