Texts From Last Night

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  (817): View more from Texas

  You're completely useless in the revolution.

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  (817): You're completely useless in the revolution. http://tfl.nu/br33
  Replies (7) Good night (1197) Bad night (653)
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  (516): View more from New York

  Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.

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  (516): Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses. http://tfl.nu/khuc
  Replies (12) Good night (715) Bad night (1841)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.

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  (860): i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser. http://tfl.nu/vxnr
  Replies (27) Good night (4166) Bad night (1212)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.

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  (810): I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans. http://tfl.nu/8mn2
  Replies (13) Good night (4689) Bad night (786)
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  (845): View more from New York

  he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.

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  (845): he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after. http://tfl.nu/w4bv
  Replies (78) Good night (5872) Bad night (2784)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.

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  (601): you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans. http://tfl.nu/q9cz
  Replies (20) Good night (1807) Bad night (7338)
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  (415): View more from California

  sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.

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  (415): sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened. http://tfl.nu/mg5e
  Replies (21) Good night (5984) Bad night (1614)
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted

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  (785): totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted http://tfl.nu/rzdq
  Replies (2) Good night (3375) Bad night (739)
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  (347): View more from New York

  I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead

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  (347): I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead http://tfl.nu/i3pk
  Replies (7) Good night (1438) Bad night (688)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.

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  (740): Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina. http://tfl.nu/wkh7
  Replies (13) Good night (1015) Bad night (2104)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.

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  (203): nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles. http://tfl.nu/y6oh
  Replies (14) Good night (2773) Bad night (989)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.

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  (651): As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week. http://tfl.nu/bh6r
  Replies (4) Good night (904) Bad night (476)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there

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  (925): You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there http://tfl.nu/g2al
  Replies (3) Good night (959) Bad night (430)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...

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  (516): She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird... http://tfl.nu/escp
  Replies (4) Good night (618) Bad night (371)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.

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  (586): I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down. http://tfl.nu/ak0v
  Replies (3) Good night (1106) Bad night (327)

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