Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.