She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me