Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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