So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
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So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
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Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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