I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
