I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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