i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
