You can't special order awesome
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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