Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
