nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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