he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
